Week One

Rankings for September 17th 2020:

  1. Young, Dumb and Full of Come (Pratt -0)
    No Boobie, no problem. The hype train on CEH is real. Kamara scored 20. Robert Woods is a WR1 on the Rams. Hopkins 1st game, he was targeted 14 times. Pratt also has Dobbins and Goedert on his bench. Unless Russell Wilson scores another 40 for Connor, the second win of the season is coming in hot.


  1. Prime Time (Joe ↑2)
    Channelling their inner Deon, the Prime Time squad looked great. Have your QB as your number one scorer, and your two running backs as your second and third is what every fantasy manager hopes for. Having an advanced reptilian solar being as your number one wide receiver is concerning, especially with flashbacks of the lizard king's performance in 2019, but hey, trust the process and "if you play good, they pay good".


  1. Deals On Wheelz (Wheeler ↑3)
    Every player except the Zane Gonzalez had 13+ fantasy points in week one. The only player in the starting lineup that looked questionable is the one who put up 21 points in the RB2 slot. It may be nothing, but having Chris Carson get six carries on what was supposed to be a run heavy team... At least everyone else looks safe and the wheels will be looking to deal in week two.

Put a cork in it, Zane.


  1. Mr. McGibblets (Sikora ↓1)
    What the hell. I was stoked to grab Saquon, however the Giants offensive line looked horrible. When the defensive backs are inches away from you as you're touching the football, game over man. Barely pulling off the win versus Connor because Conner pulled his hammy didn't feel great, but a win is a win. Even with Chris Goblin questionable with a concussion, I'm projecting my McGibblets to over take the Dingos. There's a sock puppet video side bet on the line.

I'm expecting you to use crew socks, Mike. None of that ankle shit.


  1. Christian McDangus (Axel ↑3)
    CMC does it again. The cheat code works and Axel found a few more in Cam Newton's legs, Adam Thielen's WR1 performance, and Kareem Hunt's possible take over of the Brown's backfield. Losing Le'Veon Bell will help more than it'll hurt (I said that correctly) as he can swap in someone with more upside not in an Adam Gase offense. Unless he subs in Crowder. Then I got nothing for you Axel.


  1. Purple People Eaters (Drew ↑1)
    Jonathan. Taylor. I'd be lying if I told you I didn't think about what I could offer Drew for the rookie. Some scouts had him as a better athlete than Clyde and in week two, we'll finally get to see it. The Eaters didn't go full steam in week one, but they pulled off a win, and could have found another top ten running back in the process.


  1. Feathered Serpents (Grady ↑4)
    When Grady kept Josh Jacobs, I was bummed. When Grady outbid me for Noah Fant, I was super bummed. There might still be something to "I think this is actually the best team I've had in years." The calling was answered by Allen, Jacobs, JuJu, and Fant. Somehow he scored over 130 points with busts from Fournette (2.4) and OBJ (3.4). The "death and resurrection" lore of the Quetzalcoatl didn't come true, but keep scoring like that, and you'll be become drunk on the pulque.


  1. Chubb Dingus (Mike ↓5)
    Not only taking a loss week one, but the loss of Michael Thomas to a high ankle sprain, a Nick Chubb 50/50 split with Kareem Hunt, Ekler being targeted once, AND a DeVante Parker hamstring strain gave Dingus the biggest ranking fall this week. All is not doom and gloom. Tapping into his crystal ball, he foretold the story of Nyheim Hines of $1 at the draft and will see if a 20+ point repeat is in order for week two. Although one DeVante famined, the other feasted and is still an undisputed top three wide receiver. It'll be an uphill battle week two. Let's see how the bench depth holds.

Jimmy Grahampa.


  1. Usa Da Booma (Connor ↓4)
    I thought you had me Connor. You were on top of the hill and you russelled my feathers. The injury to the other Conner is the most concerning, even his teammate Juju, picked up Benny Snell in his own fantasy league. Let's see if Mike Tomlin holds to his pre-season word and keeps Conner as the bell cow.

Oh, and please beat Pratt.


  1. Not Even My Final Form (Dro -0)
    Finding golden nuggets in David Johnson and Robby Anderson were impressive. Not only with production from points, but David Johnson actually looked GOOD against the Chiefs. Lamar Jackson did his usual thing against the Browns to tack on an extra 33. The downfall was the TE/TE meta paired with Phillip Lindsay and negative defensive points. The situation with Ertz in Philadelphia is one to watch due to frustrating contract talks, but Dro's got Courtland in the wings to sub in the flex, and if Ertz does get replaced by Goedert... the TE/TE strategy helps add security.


  1. Gary Busey (Gavin ↓2)
    Stocks didn't cash in this week and Gavin's gonna hold on for the ride. Ingram is in trouble as an RB1, Keenan forgot to give Tyrod Taylor a quickie before the game, and the Cook couldn't save the Akers of land being Digg'ed on by Swift'ly Gallup'ing horses.

I'll stop now.


  1. I Lockett Rough Bud Light Lime (JT -0)
    ESPN projections don't lie. The ILRBLL is projected to win their first game by two points this week and have all position players score 10+ points. The opposite of down is up. Godspeed Bud Light.